I don’t know about you mamas, but I feel like I am always trying to be in control of everything! As a mom I just feel that I need to know where everyone is, and what everyone in the family is doing at all times. I feel like I am the only one who can make sure that the whole family gets to all their activities. I honestly do not know haw to stop being controlling.
And unfortunately, this does not work very well when I am a working mom. Because I can not be in control all the time if I am working. Especially since I work a pretty demanding and stressful job. I can not be doing both things, being in control at home and being in control at work. So if you are like me, we need some tips to stop being controlling moms. If this is you, then keep reading.
Discuss With The Family
This is the most important tip I am going to give you in this post. Because, while you are trying to control everything and losing your mind doing it. The family sees things are being done like they always have. They don’t realize that this is upsetting you or making you crazy keeping track of all the things.
So when you decide to stop being as controlling, you will need to have a discussion with your family. You need to let them know that you are letting go of being in control of some things. Let them know they are going to have to be responsible for some of their own things. That mom was in charge of everything in the past, but now mom needs some help.
You do not need to be in control of everything for the family to keep running smoothly. And the rest of your family needs to know that. So have a family meeting and just let them in on how you are going to give over some of the control to them.
If you need to, write down the things each family member is in charge of on sticky notes and leave where each family member will see them! (These are my favorite sticky notes to use!)
Assign Certain Things to each Family Member
So, along with letting everyone in the family know that you are going to stop being controlling. You need to assign specific activities for each family member to be in charge of. And you have to remember the age of your kids and what they can handle. So my older son is fourteen years old, so he could be in charge of his swim schedule and making sure he has a ride there and back. Of course he can not drive yet. So he would then need us to take him and his carpool friends, but he would need to let us know when he needs a ride.
My younger son is only eleven years old at the moment. So he needs to be put in charge of something smaller. Like making sure that he gets himself on the bus everyday, when his dad and I are at work. When I have to be at work at eight and my son does not get on the bus until 8:24, there is absolutely no way I can be in control of him getting on the bus. So I have to give up the control and assign him this task.
Most of the time, your kiddos will be excited to take on some more responsibility. They just need to know what they need to do. This is where you need to assign them specific duties. Then they know what they are doing. And you know that you do not need to be in control of that thing anymore.
Set Boundaries
So once you, as the mom, assign certain duties to each family member. Then you need to set boundaries. As I said, my job at the pharmacy is pretty stressful and demanding. I simply do not have time to be in charge of all my kids’ things and activities while at work. So my boys know that when I am at work they only text me or call me when it is an emergency. Or if they have no other option. I tell them to talk to their dad first, or maybe one of my sisters if they are not working. But do not contact me.
This takes me away from job, and breaks my focus, which is super important as a pharmacist. So before I go to work the morning of or the night before. I make sure the boys know their tasks for the day. And I make sure they know to not contact me unless it is absolutely necessary. I have to give up some of that control or else I can not do my job well.
Prepare the Night Before
I am a big believer in getting ready the night before. One reason is it is easier to get the kids going in the morning if they set everything out the night before (read about getting kids going in the morning at this post here!). But the second reason is when everyone prepares the night before, then I can go to work and know everything is taken care of. The night before I have talked to both boys about how I will be at work and what they are in charge of doing the next day.
This makes it so I can go to work knowing that things are being taken care of on the home front. I still get nervous, thinking that my younger son won’t get on the bus or my older son won’t be ready for his swimming carpool. But I have to trust that they are prepared. And I have to let go of that control.
Let Go of the Guilt
Sometimes I feel like I need to be in control, otherwise I feel mom guilt. Like I am not a good mom if I am not in complete control of everyone in the family, then I am failing. If you feel this way also, you need to let go of the guilt. The family can function while you are at work and they won’t fall apart.
Let go of the guilt and letting go of the control will follow. And if you are having problems with the guilt, posts will be coming about this also. So keep reading!
Vanessa is a Doctor of Pharmacy who champions natural health. She lives with her husband of 18 years as well as her 12 & 15 year old sons. She aspires to encourage moms on their journey to family wellness through holistic health and essential oils.
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