I am going to confess something here, I do some mom judging. I am sure that a lot of other moms do also. We do it without really thinking about the situation, the background of the mom, the past of the mom, the temperament of the child. There are so many things that come into play in that one moment. But one thing that definitely does not ever help the thing is for mom judging. We really need to stop judging other moms because we are all just doing our best.
And I include myself in this. I know that I do the judging. I am not here to shame anyone, or make anyone feel bad. And I just think that the comparing and judging does not help. Especially since all moms are just trying to survive and do what we can.
What is mom judging?
I am sure that you already have an idea what this is, but mom judging is when one mom judging another mom for how they are parenting, or how their child is acting. We see a kid throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store, and we look at the mother wondering why she can’t control her child. You see a kid running around Target, and you think, “that mother does not know how to make her child behave?”
We need to stop judging these poor moms. Because you will find yourself in that situation some time soon. So something that I have recently learned about, from Rachel Hollis about judging (go to her post here). The first thought you have, such as judging the mom who’s kid is out of control, is the thought that the world gave you and is usually mean. And the second thought you have, like that the mom is doing the best she can. Is the thought that you yourself have, and is usually the kind thought. And you have to really listen for that second thought because that is the real one that you yourself came up with.
We do not know the situation
Maybe that child at the grocery store throwing a tantrum did not sleep the night before. But the mom needed to go to the store to get food for her other kids, even though she was exhausted and knew that her child was exhausted. Maybe the kid running in Target is Autistic, and the mother is just trying to figure out how to get the child to stay still when her child is special needs.
Perhaps that mom just does not know what she should be doing with her child. Or maybe she knows, but is just too exhausted to make the child behave because her husband is never home. Which means she has to take care of the kids all of the time. Or she has already worked her stressful job outside of the home and just does not have the energy to get her kid to sit in the cart. She knows it will be a power struggle and she is not up for it.
And you know what is not helping those moms out? Us judging them and wondering why they can’t get their children to behave in the way we see as appropriate.
I used to be pretty judgy, but now, I am just happy it is not my own kid. I have two boys and the first one was pretty easy to take care of, and he always listened to me. My second one was a strong personality that did not like to listen. I developed so much patience with him. No matter how long his tantrum was, I would last longer. So I am sure many other moms would look at me, and think they were better moms. But because of any of these situations, we need to stop judging these poor moms.
Say It Awkward
Do you know what might help these moms or me? Going up and telling her she is doing a good job. Telling her that you can tell she is tired but her kid is dressed and not hurting himself or others, so it is a win. Let that mom know, even if it is awkward, (here is a post I wrote about how to say it awkward) that she is doing great. That as long as she loves her kids (which all moms do!!) then everything will be okay.
Do not give that mom the eye roll, and judge her on her parenting. Stop judging how she is taking care of her child. Instead, give her a smile of encouragement, and go about your day. Or better yet, help her out if there is something you can do real quick for her, like finish grabbing her groceries or entertain her kiddo for a second.
I like to keep stickers with me like these ones so I can give to kiddos. That way mom can get a little break while the kiddo looks at the sticker.
There is so much pressure today to be the perfect mom. What we shouldn’t do, as mamas, is judge other moms. So quit the judging. We are all in this together. At the end of the day, we all love our kids, and we are all mamas trying to raise our kids to be happy and healthy.